Cat Fight
by Mr.Alcoholic
Summary: (Sin Kids/Abominations) The now adult Loud sisters get together in a bar to catch on with each other's lives. Things get too real.


"Sorry for being late girls, had an unexpected meeting and the rush hour got me." Lori said sitting at the table.

"Don't worry; you've only missed a bunch of Luan's puns." Lana told her, taking a sip of her pint.

"It'll be my pleasure to repeat them for Lori." Luan said while swirling her long island with her pinky.

"No thanks." The entire table responded.

All the Loud sisters were now gathered around the bar table. All of them were adults and had already moved out of their parent's house, each living their own separated lives, dealing with the chores of adult live, work and children.

For that reason it had became a tradition for them to reunite every couple months to catch up and spend some quality time together. This time they were gathered in an Irish pub near the fringe of Royal Woods for Luna`s convenience since she had a concert in a neighboring city.

Lori called the bartender for a drink and turned to her sisters "So, how are things going, girls?"

"Oh oh!" Leni chimed in."I've been working on a wedding dress for a client and its totes the cutest thing ever! I'm having a blast adding little details, like frills and sequins and..." She looked like she was gonna keep going for a while, so they just passed on to the next.

"The Squirrels have been doing amazing this season." Lynn said, twirling her scotch."It's a shame Lacy is no longer on the team, but hey, as long as she kill's it in the cheerleader squad, I'm fine with it."

"Last month I had a show." Luan followed next, annoyance in her voice."But people seem to be getting crankier and crankier with each day that passes. They don't appreciate a good joke anymore."

"And what did you expect?" Luna said, putting her rum and coke on the table. "I saw a video of your show on YouTube and you made cops beating blacks jokes."

"So what? Humor is supposed to push boundaries." The comedian defended.

"Luan, you were in Detroit, you're lucky no one pulled out a gun and started shooting up the place." Luna retorted."As for me, I'm a little burned out from touring. I just want to finish so I can go back to my babies. Are they alright?"

"They're ok" Lucy said in her monotone voice after taking a sip of her Bloody Mary."Lisa left Lulu at my house before driving us here and Lyra's taking care of them. Kids should be fine for the night."

* * *

 **At Lucy's house.**

 ** _*ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRR*_**

 _"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"_

"Lupa we have to go back for my sister!" Lemy yelled with desperation as he and his cousin tried to maintain the door closed against the incessant ramming.

"Shut the fuck up and try to remember where Lyra left the fucking pacifier!" Lupa yelled back.

A little baby fist broke through the door right between their heads.

* * *

 **Back at the bar.**

"I'm certain they will." Lisa added after tasting her bourbon.

"I start the finals in like two weeks, and this time they're going to ride my ass hard" Lily said after gulping down her pint, slouching on her seat.

"Speaking about getting ridden..." Lola said with a mischievous little smile.

The entire table turned their attention to her.

"Already Lola?" Lori asked as she took her martini from a waiter."It isn't even ten o'clock and you want to start talking about sex?"

"Hey, I don't see the problem on starting early." Spoke up Luna. "Tell us girl, what you have for us?"

Lola finished her Baileys and started."Well, two months ago Lincoln took a break from drawing to come see Leia's class representation of Cinderella (My little princess was Cinderella of course). But since hers was one of the last plays, we had to improvise a way to kill time...and it so happens that Leia's class wasn't locked..."

"And how much time did you two kill in there?" Luan asked with a smirk.

"Like, two and a half plays worth, all over the teacher's desk." Lola responded, making most of the table laugh."After that I had to borrow Lincoln's jacket as a cushion just to be able to sit straight."

"You left the teacher's desk reeking of sex?" Lori questioned in a berating tone.

"Chill out Lori." Lola said with an edge on her voice, rolling her eyes."She gave Linky the look as soon as I told her he was my brother. Hope that skank likes the smell, because that's as close as she's getting to him." Lola smugly said, making the girls chuckle a second time.

"That reminds me of the first time Lynn did it with Linc and went to shove it in Ronnie Ann's face." Luan said, drinking from her glass.

"Come on, I wasn't really gonna do it." Lynn said, trying to brush the memory off.

"Lynn, Luan and I had to rush after you and wrestle you to the ground." Luna said. "We got you at the park, and Luan had to use one of her juggling balls to gag you because you kept shouting."

Luan began mimicking Lynn's voice."You hear me Santiago!? I claimed Lincoln's dick! That's right, me! I rode him looong and haaaard! So you better leave him the fuck alone and take your filthy Latino cunt somewhere else!"

The girls, minus Lynn, started cackling.

"Oh screw you Luan, you're no one to talk" Lynn said, pointing at her sister with a smile on her face."I have memory too, and I remember that night you tried something new with Linc's ass without warning him."

"I remember that!" Lana said with a laugh."He screamed so loud Lola and I hid under my bed thinking a monster got inside the house."

"I thought that too!" Chimed Leni.

"Ok, I have to admit that wasn't my finest trick." Luan conceded.

"You don't say?" Lisa responded."If it wasn't for Lori's efforts, father would have caught Lincoln in what's commonly known as balls deep in you."

"And Luan knuckles deep in him." Lucy deadpanned, making Lynn, Lana and Lily spit their drinks in a fit of laughter.

The sisters were getting livelier as they drank and laughed rememorating funny moments of their childhood.

"I remember when Linc used to call Lucy princess pony during sex" Lana told."Oh yeah Princess Pony, take it! You're the prettiest pony of them all!"

"It was just a little girl's fantasy." Lucy said with an awkward smile.

"I still could hear it through the wall by the time you graduated high school, Luce" Lola responded.

"...Sue me." Was Lucy's only response as she concentrated on drinking.

"That was totes cute!" Leni said giving a little clap."But the cutest thing has to be when Lily announced she lost her virginity!"

"Can we skip that story, please?" Lily pleaded.

"No." The table responded.

"Leni, Luan, Lana and I were watching TV," Lynn started." then Lily, butt naked, rushes down the stairs and stands in front of us, her hands on her hips and puffing out her chest like this," She adopted the posture. "And shouted: I just took Linky's dick to the hilt!"

The table burst once again in laughter.

"Screw you girls." Lily said taking a big gulp of beer, trying to drown her shame.

"It was pretty cute Lily." Lori said wiping a stray tear of laughter off her face.

"Wait, girls!" Luna called with a devilish smile."I think this is a good moment to show our appreciation for the one that pioneered going after the Loud D."

"Luna..." Lori gave her sister the stink eye.

"Hey, it was your example that inspired the rest of us to go for it." Luna said rising her glass."Come on girls, a toast for Lori, corruptor of minors!"

The rest of the sisters matched Luna's smile and raised their drinks.

Lori sat miffed for a second, then finally joined her drink with her sisters."You're all a bunch of bitches."

"Cheers for learning it from the best!" Luna voiced as all sisters clinked their glasses together and drank down.

"I would be careful when talking about corrupting minors, Luna" Lori said wiping her lips with a napkin."I still remember how I had to cover for you and Linc that time you two went to that warehouse party."

"There was some corrupting of minors on my part alright." Luna joked. "But you were really stingy about it. I only got you to cover for us because it was the day before my birthday and I counted it as your gift to me." She said poking her older sister's side.

The women kept on talking for a minute without realizing someone had gone silent.

"...What birthday was it?" Lynn asked out of nowhere, her expression now sobered.

"Huh?" Luna turned to face her sister across from her.

"What birthday was it?" Lynn repeated.

"My seventeen birthday. Why you ask?"

"He told me he had to rush a paper with Clyde..."

"What are you going on about?"

Lynn slapped the table picking everyone's attention."That fucker lied to me!"

"Whow!" Lana let out grabbing hers and Lisa's drink from the table before they tipped over."The heck happens with you Lynn!?"

"Yeah, what's the matter dude?" Luna asked.

"That day, the day before your birthday, I had a really hard game against the Huntington Oaks Weasels." Lynn began telling in a hard tone."A really hard game that Lincoln promised he was gonna come to, AND from which he bailed out because he had to finish some stupid paper with Clyde he forgot he had to present the next day."

"I remember that day." Lucy added."You came home fuming because your team lost. You didn't stop grinding your teeth even in your sleep."

"We didn't lose, we got decimated."Lynn followed, drumming her fingers on the table. "And I had to eat that one alone because that asshole had a last minute urgency."Lynn slapped the table again."But it seems that paper with Clyde was horseshit and the real urgency was boning YOU at some fucking party!" Lynn barked, glaring at Luna.

"Dude I'm really sorry, I didn't know." Luna said with genuine apologetic look on her face.

"Is it that you didn't know, or that you didn't care?" Lynn quickly responded tensely."Because it wasn't like I didn't announce it...And now that I think about it, that isn't the only time Linc has left me hanging because of you." Her tone turned accusatory.

Luna frowned.

"Lynn knock it off." Lana said, giving Lisa her glass back.

"It happened last year too." Lynn told."But that time he ditched one of Lacy's games because you crashed in his house and started puking your guts out. Or that time when-"

"You're not the only one Linc has left in the gutter, dude" Luna cut her off, now noticeably irritated."This month my kids were supposed to stay with him, but since he had to be your because you're too busy working on your team, Lucy had to take them again."

"Oooh I'm using him for a lot more than house work alright!" Lynn jeered.

The two sisters stared each other down.

"Come on girls, it's not like Linky plays favorites." Leni said trying to calm her two younger sisters down.

"...But he clearly does." Lola said, looking uninterested about the current situation as she checked her nails.

"Lola shut up. Can't you see what's happening right now?" Lori berated her younger sister.

"I'm just telling the truth." Lola declared, resting her chin on one hand and twirling her new Bailey with the other."Over the years I've made him spill a lot of things after sex."

The attention of the table turned from the clashing brunettes to the younger of the two twins.

"...What d you mean?" Luan asked cautiously, but curious.

"Do you remember that big show you had in Junior year? You know, that one Lincoln promised to help you with but ended up into something and couldn't make it?

"Yes..."

"The thing he got into was Lucy's pussy, for the first time too, and he got so engrossed in it he forgot about your show." Lola finished her statement by taking a sip of her drink, her eyes looking out at the street through one the pubs big windows.

The usually imperturbable Lucy tensed up and took a peek of her big sister through her bangs. Luan turned to her, her face a mask of incredulity that sifted into one of pain, then fury and finally settled in some kind of angry indifference.

"Luan I'm sorry...it was a spur of the moment." Lucy said with clear sorrow on her voice.

"No no no no, don't need to apologize, Luce. It's alright. It actually balances things, you know?" Luan said in a raspy voice as she popped a cigarette and patted her pockets."Fuck. You have a lighter Luna?"

Lucy went silent.

"Here." Luna passed her zippo, her eyes still nailed to Lynn's.

"What did you mean?" Lucy asked in her typical monotone.

Luan lighted her cig and slowly took a drag, her eyes closed.

"Luan what did you mean by that?" Lucy asked again, her voice more urgent now.

"Nothing. It's just that knowing he left me down for you takes a weight off my shoulders." Luan responded exhaling the smoke.

"Why is that?"

"I told you. It balances things." Luan said in her own monotone, taking another drag.

Lucy's mouth turned into a sullen frown, getting really tired of her sister's games."...And how does it balance things?"

"Because the day you were giving birth to Lupa I was fucking Linc." Luan calmly said."I felt bad he couldn't make it to the hospital because of me, but since now I know things are balanced, everything is fine."

The ambient at the table grew colder. Lucy parted part of her bangs to look directly at her sister with a shocked, angry eye.

"Giiiirls..." Leni let out in a sad whisper.

"He told me that one too." Lola said, still absently looking through the window.

"Lola please, stop talking" Lana pleaded to her younger twin.

"Why? You don't want to hear the reason of why Lincoln couldn't help you move out last month as he promised?" She said turning to Lana.

Lily suddenly choked on her beer and started coughing.

"He had to go to Florida for a panel in a comic convention." Lana said, but now she didn't sound sure.

Lola put down her drink and started counting with her fingers."A comic convention. In Daytona. For one and a half weeks. At the start of spring break." She grabbed back her drink. "Connect the dots, Lana, it's not hard"

Lana looked confused for a moment, then it hit her. She turned to her youngest sister."Lily!"

"I'm sorry!" The youngest sister responded, shrinking in her seat."I really wanted to spend some time with Linc, so I convinced him to come with me..."

Now it was Lana who slammed the table."So that white haired bastard left me to move everything on my own so he could go fuck you at some beach and relive his university years!?"

"I'm sorry, ok!" Lily shouted with distress.

"If it makes you feel better he told me he spent most of the time paranoid." Lola said."He thought she was poking the condoms to get her pregnant."

"What!?" Lily yelled, indignant, as Lana laughed.

"It is true that since you became the only one of us that doesn't have a child, you've been behaving a little anxious around Lincoln." Lisa said matter of factly.

"I wouldn't talk too much ." Lily snarkily remarked."You literally made a test tube baby without telling anyone. What happened? Feeling left out much?"

"It was a-"

"Lincoln did find it creepy that you created Lulu without telling him." Lola Interrupted."And he's still feeling a little uneasy of how she...ended up being."

"Wh-what!? That's preposterous!" Lisa let out, outraged. "Lulu is an hundred percent healthy and normal!"

* * *

 **Back at Lucy's house**

Lulu had Lemy pinned down against the bathroom floor, the set of steely arachnid legs that protruded from her back maintaining his clothes nailed to the ground as she clicked her massive open maws on the boy's face.

"Lulu I'm sorry! It was an accident!" Lemy whined as he tried to keep his face away from the monster/baby's sharp teeth."I didn't mean to flush your pacifier down the toilet! You can forgive your cousin's silly mistake, right?"

 _ ***ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRR***_

 _"Fuuuuck!"_ Lemy whimpered and shut his eyes.

 _ ***BAM***_

A battered looking Lyra kicked down the bathroom door, a bug spray and a lighter in her hands. She ignited the lighter and held it in front of the spray."Get away from him you BITCH!"

* * *

 **Back at the bar.**

"Normal for an X-men." Lily mocked.

"Better an X-men than nothing." Lisa retorted venomously.

"Ladies, please." Lana said."Just accept that Lincoln is wary of dicking you two."

Lily, Lisa and Lana started a three way stare down.

"Girls this is, like, totally not right!" Leni whimpered.

"Congratulations!" Lori said, exasperated."You've got everyone riled up for what? Making a point of being Lincolns favorite? God, you're a grown ass woman Lola, stop acting like a spoiled brat!"

"I'm not his favorite." Lola said, looking at his oldest sister in the eyes "You are."

"...Come again?" Lori asked, dumbfounded.

"He's always listened to you the most." Lola pointed out."He even stayed an entire year living with you."

"You know that's because I was busy with work and needed help with Loan, hell, I still do."

"That didn't stop you two from going to Cancun and leaving Loan with me last year." Lola said sharply.

"We took a single vacation together in I don't know how many years!"

"And what about that time he went with you to LA for that busyness trip?"Lola continued.

"He came with me becau-Wait. Are you telling me all this is because you're fucking jealous?"

"I'm not jealous." Lola negated in a gelid tone, her expression hard.

"Are you kidding me Lola? This is because some fucking delusion of yours!?" Lori yelled.

"It's the truth." Lola rebutted crossing her arms.

Lori threw her arms up."Goddammit Lola! Look what your little tantrum has done!"

Around the table the rest of the sisters were exchanging snide remarks and insults, the anger in their voices rising. Lola looked at them, indifferent."This just demonstrates how flighty Lincoln is about all of us... well, not all." She turned to Lori, scowling."Not with you."

Lori looked at her sister in astonishment."...Have you actually gone mental?"

"You can deny it all you want, but you're Linc's favorite." Lola said, then finished her drink and put down her glass."And that's the truth."

"Lola, even if that was true, who cares?" Lori tried to reason.

"I do." Lola stiffly responded."And for their reactions," She said nodding in the direction of the rest of her bickering sisters."they also care about being second plate."

"Why does it even matter?" Lori kept on trying."When we started sharing Lincoln we knew it was going to be hard, but we have been able to keep on going for years and-"

"It is hard, but it's not impossible to take the lead, the only thing one needs is a little extra effort." Lola said with a smug smile, crossing her legs.

"It's not a contest Lo-"

"For example, with a little bit of charming and persuasion I was able to make Linc stay with me when you wanted him stay at your house for the month back in November."

"You did what?" Lori asked, perplexed."Lola, Loan was taking a new medication and I needed someone monitoring her while I was at work." She told her."I had to take leaves, my superiors almost ripped me a new one."

"Competition is a bitch dear, get used to it." Lola simply sassed.

Lori looked at her sister, her mouth going dry. Something finally snapped inside her. The oldest of the sisters took a big gulp of her drink and regarded her sister ruthless look."You've always been a rotten, hateful little cunt."

Lola's expression matched her older sister "Bark all you want, bitch."

Leni, sitting in total silence, watched powerless how her sisters exchanged murderous glares.

A waiter came to the table."Excuse me ladies but the other patrons have complained about the noise, also it's illegal to smoke in the establishment, so if you could-"

"Fuck off" The entire table answered.

The waiter did a one eighty and went straight to the bar."Liam we have a problem in the making."

"No shit."The bartender said taking out his phone."I've been watching them and those are fighting eyes if I ever seen any."

"Are you calling the police?"

"Fuck no. You do that. I'm gonna record this, shit's going straight to my instagram."

The tension could be cut with a knife. Things were reaching boiling point.

"Hey Luna, tell me again, why did Sam leave you?" Lynn asked mean-spiritedly.

"Don't fucking go there dude." Luna warned.

"Ohhh that's right, she caught you and Lincoln fucking in that Mick Swagger concert, right?"

"Dude..."

"Tell me, did you have the decency to stop fucking or you just kept going in front of her?"

Luna threw her drink in Lynn's face.

The entire bar went quiet for a moment.

Suddenly, Lynn bellowed and lunged over the table towards Luna, sending the both of them to the ground.

Then shit hit the fan.

Lana flipped the table (over poor Leni without realizing it) and the sisters jumped at each other's throats.

Lola went straight for Lori and started pulling her hair. The older woman took her by the shoulders and nailed the other in the gut with her knee.

Lily punched Lisa in the face, only to be sent to the ground by a kick in the back from Lana, who in turn received a chair shot to her back by Lisa.

Luan surrounded Lucy's neck from behind with one arm while trying to get the lighted zippo close to her face with the other, the goth fighting to keep the lighter away from her hair."Time to burn those curtains you gloomy cun-!" Luan got interrupted when Lucy smashed her nose with the back of her head.

Luna was on her back, protecting her head while Lynn mounted and punched her. Lola tumbled over them, making Lynn lose her balance and giving Luna enough time to put a boot on her belly, launching her off.

Lori stomped her way to the downed Lola while rolling up her sleeves."I'm giving you the ass whooping mom and dad never gave you." Lola hooked her leg around Lori's ankle and brought her down to her level.

"Girls stop!" Leni screamed finally getting the table off her, her clothes and hair stained with alcohol.

"Liam the police is on the way!" The waiter shook the bartender only to get shoved away.

"Don't move me dude, you'll fuck up the video!" The bartender shouted as he recorded Lana powerbombing Lisa through a table, then getting speared by Lily."This is some WWE shit!"

Luna was now trying to shake Lynn off her back, her sister applying a sleeping choke on her."You never were cut out for the D Luna!" Lynn said in her ear, applying more pressure."Give Sam a call and fuck off with her!"

Luna held her sisters thighs in place, got on a chair and jumped back first against the ground, sandwiching Lynn. Released from the choke Luna rolled off and stood up."You're fucking jealous that I rode him first and better than you ever could!"

Police sirens could be heard outside the bar. Lynn managed to stand up."The only thing you ever been good at is eating carpet you fucking DYKE!"

Outside, the driver and co-pilot of the paddy wagon watched as Luna tackled Lynn through one of the bar's windows.

* * *

Lincoln Loud entered the jail of the police station escorted by a cop and stood in front of a cell. The rest of the cells were full, so his sisters sat side by side in the largest one (with four cops standing outside, just in case).

"Hi Linky..." Leni said, crestfallen. Her dress was stained everywhere, and her sticky hair stuck to her brow. But that was nothing compared with his other sisters.

Lily had a black eye and a busted lip.

Lisa had a neck brace and her glasses were missing a lens.

Lana had a cut on her cheek and was missing one of her front teeth.

Luan had a bloody nose and her dress shirt was missing an entire sleeve from the shoulder down.

Half of Lucy's bangs were burned off, revealing a bloodshot black eye.

Lola's dress was in rags and her face was full of bruises.

Lori had bloody scratches from her forehead to her neck and a big purple bruise in one cheek.

And Lynn and Luna where covered in cuts from head to toe, their hair and clothes still peppered with crystal shards.

None of them (minus Leni) spoke or looked at each other or him. Lincoln stood there, hands on hips, looking at the pitiful display with scorn."Can any of you explain to me what the hell happened?" Lincoln said with an angry emphasis.

Silence.

"Do you guys have ANY idea how MUCH bailing ALL of you out has cost?" A vein was bulging in his temple "A damn FORTUNE!"

More silence.

"Are any of you going to say something?" He got closer to the cell."Do you guys even have a reason for this clusterfuck!?"

In the many hours the sister had spent in silence, they had had more than enough time to find the white haired lowest common denominator of the situation. Nine pairs of eyes shot a murderous glare at Lincoln.

A chill descended through Lincoln's spine. He took a step back from the cell and gulped.

His sisters got up.

As the cop opened the cell door Lincoln knew.

He fucked up.


End file.
